Gloria Estefan is my nemesis. Many of you know this already. For those of you who don't, I'll briefly explain. When the Miami Sound Machine comes on the radio, it's like all of a sudden I'm under hypnosis and the mesmerist, in his calmest, most sedate voice says, "OK. Ginger, when you hear, 'One, two, three, four; Come on baby, say you'll love me; five, six, seven ti-imes...' I want you to grab that butcher knife, wave it in the air, and vow to assassinate the person who personally programmed that song into the play list. OK. You will wake up at the sound of 'eight, nine, ten, eleven...'" And then I do. I grab the nearest weapon, which is usually my big mouth and I verbally castrate the DJ. I can't help it. It's coded in my DNA. I mean it's nothing personal. I'm certain that Gloria is a wonderful human being. I just inexplicably loathe her voice. It makes me want to commit homicide.
The reason this came up today was I saw a preview for some Hallmark Thanksgiving special "starring Shannon Doherty" who apparently went from 90210 bitch-itude to "And I'm thankful for you, and you, and oh, yes, little Timmy, you too. Let's roast marshmallows and sing Christmas carols by the light of the warm, glowing hearth, and learn special lessons about giving thanks."
I didn't know it until I saw the preview, but I had a Gloria Estefan reaction to Shannon, too. Right then and there, I vowed NEVER to watch anything EVER with her in it.
Even though I'm not really sad about this recent development, I do blame Gloria for it. Thanks Gloria. Thanks a lot for limiting my Hallmark movie choice this holiday season. I hope you two are very happy together.
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Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Shannon Doherty did you happen to meet my friend, Gloria?
Gloria Estefan is my nemesis. Many of you know this already. For those of you who don't, I'll briefly explain. When the Miami Sound Machine comes on the radio, it's like all of a sudden I'm under hypnosis and the mesmerist, in his calmest, most sedate voice says, "OK. Ginger, when you hear, 'One, two, three, four; Come on baby, say you'll love me; five, six, seven ti-imes...' I want you to grab that butcher knife, wave it in the air, and vow to assassinate the person who personally programmed that song into the play list. OK. You will wake up at the sound of 'eight, nine, ten, eleven...'" And then I do. I grab the nearest weapon, which is usually my big mouth and I verbally castrate the DJ. I can't help it. It's coded in my DNA. I mean it's nothing personal. I'm certain that Gloria is a wonderful human being. I just inexplicably loathe her voice. It makes me want to commit homicide.
The reason this came up today was I saw a preview for some Hallmark Thanksgiving special "starring Shannon Doherty" who apparently went from 90210 bitch-itude to "And I'm thankful for you, and you, and oh, yes, little Timmy, you too. Let's roast marshmallows and sing Christmas carols by the light of the warm, glowing hearth, and learn special lessons about giving thanks."
I didn't know it until I saw the preview, but I had a Gloria Estefan reaction to Shannon, too. Right then and there, I vowed NEVER to watch anything EVER with her in it.
Even though I'm not really sad about this recent development, I do blame Gloria for it. Thanks Gloria. Thanks a lot for limiting my Hallmark movie choice this holiday season. I hope you two are very happy together.
The reason this came up today was I saw a preview for some Hallmark Thanksgiving special "starring Shannon Doherty" who apparently went from 90210 bitch-itude to "And I'm thankful for you, and you, and oh, yes, little Timmy, you too. Let's roast marshmallows and sing Christmas carols by the light of the warm, glowing hearth, and learn special lessons about giving thanks."
I didn't know it until I saw the preview, but I had a Gloria Estefan reaction to Shannon, too. Right then and there, I vowed NEVER to watch anything EVER with her in it.
Even though I'm not really sad about this recent development, I do blame Gloria for it. Thanks Gloria. Thanks a lot for limiting my Hallmark movie choice this holiday season. I hope you two are very happy together.
5 comments:
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Happy Fun Pants said...
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Maybe the rhythm already got you.
Keep strong. And if nothing else, we now have this written down. I will testify on your behalf if you end up on trial for killing someone. Because I know how it is. I have Gloria-esque aversions to commercials and Nickleback. :) -
November 26, 2008 at 10:56 AM
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W said...
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I'm fascinated that you were not already having these reactions to Shannon Doherty. She is pretty despicable, after all. You know this will make watching Lifetime movies nearly impossible for you, right?
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November 26, 2008 at 1:18 PM
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Amy said...
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I did not know Shannon could play a sweet role. I hope you are having a great time with your family.
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November 26, 2008 at 1:21 PM
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Amy said...
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I saw your friend Gloria on t.v. She was on the Rosie show. I was flipping through the channels and there she was singing with Rosie, and Rachel Ray.
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November 26, 2008 at 10:23 PM
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Amy said...
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Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Stop by my page there is something there for you and Jack. -
November 27, 2008 at 10:26 AM
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5 comments:
Maybe the rhythm already got you.
Keep strong. And if nothing else, we now have this written down. I will testify on your behalf if you end up on trial for killing someone. Because I know how it is. I have Gloria-esque aversions to commercials and Nickleback. :)
I'm fascinated that you were not already having these reactions to Shannon Doherty. She is pretty despicable, after all. You know this will make watching Lifetime movies nearly impossible for you, right?
I did not know Shannon could play a sweet role. I hope you are having a great time with your family.
I saw your friend Gloria on t.v. She was on the Rosie show. I was flipping through the channels and there she was singing with Rosie, and Rachel Ray.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
Stop by my page there is something there for you and Jack.
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