Sunday, April 26, 2009

How did you get here?

Here? As in in this closet? I can tell you I got here with no help from the margarita. (As in: Despite the margarita, I successfully made it here.) Seriously. I don't really remember the last twenty seconds. This is what happens on a day when the newscaster says (and I quote in a Vince Fontaine "hand jive announcing" tone), "Today we will probably see one of the top twelve worst storms of the season. Sustained, ground traveling tornadoes are likely, as is golf ball sized hail. Keep it tuned in to this channel (kids) to find out when and where devastation might strike at your house!" (wink and grin)

Look. We live in an age when everything is sensationalized. I think the first time I was aware of over-enthusiastic reporting about horrible happenings was when I watched us go to war with Iraq the first time - Operation Desert Storm. We watched news casts that looked like a game of Missile Command - green lines falling to the earth and then a white blast. We learned that we were fighting the inferior "scud missiles" with the more important, more American (stand at attention) "patriot missiles." In all of my pubescent wisdom and naivete, I wrote melodramatic entries in my diary about this being the "first time our country was really at war in my lifetime" (because the Cold War was so, like, totally not even a war) and "I just hoped that God would spare all of our boys from 'those people' who only knew how to make silly sounding 'scuds' and who surrendered with tears in their eyes (and sand) at the sight Old Glory." And then I would break into a tear jerking rendition of Glory Glory Hallelujah.

What a bonehead! At least I can use the "hey, I was a teenager" argument and get a reprieve for all of my adolescent years. Unfortunately, I couldn't use that excuse when FOX was interrupting the regularly scheduled programs during the second Iraq war - Operation it didn't work the first time, hey guess what, we're back!

A newscaster in Iraq wearing army desert fatigues, night goggles, and a gas mask sitting atop his head would cut-in to yell curtly into his microphone, "There are no bombs dropping at the moment. But if they were ( and he would lower his mask, breathing into it: hoooo-scheee), we would have to wear these masks and dig a trench in the ground, bury ourselves prostrate, and pray to Old Glory. (Hoooo-scheeeee) I repeat. Nothing is happening. We are not on red alert. But someday we might be (hooo-scheee). Luckily I have these night vision goggles, and through them I can clearly see (hoooo-scheee) that nothing is happening. But it might. Soon. So you in America should seek shelter." And a blinking RED crawler that indicated we were NOT on red alert would flash across the bottom of the screen, a tactic that indeed did make me seek shelter in my closet and, more importantly, a prescription for Paxil.

I wish I could say that I've grown out of the sensationalized media. I at least choose to bypass FOX, unless I'm in need of a good laugh.

But today is tornado day, and that means I get to take my laptop into my closet, sip margaritas to, er, calm down, and write. Until an actual siren goes off (the same siren that would indicate we are being bombed and need goggles and gas masks), I suppose I kind of like being here.

9 comments:

Jen said...

I've been thinking of you today as I saw the news about tornadoes in your area! Hope you guys are alright! Our weather is fine here just a bunch of wind!(sigh) But what's new?

Patty said...

I'm glad you are making the best of it. You're such a trooper.

Amy said...

We have the siren go off every day at 12 here and when they need to page the firemen. I use to get scared but now I just think okay what is going to happen next.

Ginger said...

Hi friends! No tornado yet (ferociously knocking on wood.. and stone.... linoleum, just in case). Today is the first day of an entire week of scariness.

On the brightside, the lightning is pretty! :)

Christine said...

The newest Plinky question made me laugh -- What's the most useless item in your house right now?

Easy. Me.

Ginger said...

Fougs, you're funny, but I think your wrong. You're definitely useFUL. In my house it has to be the garlic press. But we've already had this conversation, I think..

Christine said...

I'm kind of useful. I cleaned the sink tonight. Ooohhh... gleaming stainless steel sink... And I'm doing the laundry. And I'm learning about what my cholesterol results mean (I'm normal!). And I'm enjoying how Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann are ripping into Rick Perry. Go me!

Kathy B! said...

We had a tornado in Ohio (when I was young) and all that was left was the toilets and foundations...

May they all fly over you :)

Sending my warm fuzzies...

annie said...

Bravo! You write well in the closet!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

How did you get here?

Here? As in in this closet? I can tell you I got here with no help from the margarita. (As in: Despite the margarita, I successfully made it here.) Seriously. I don't really remember the last twenty seconds. This is what happens on a day when the newscaster says (and I quote in a Vince Fontaine "hand jive announcing" tone), "Today we will probably see one of the top twelve worst storms of the season. Sustained, ground traveling tornadoes are likely, as is golf ball sized hail. Keep it tuned in to this channel (kids) to find out when and where devastation might strike at your house!" (wink and grin)

Look. We live in an age when everything is sensationalized. I think the first time I was aware of over-enthusiastic reporting about horrible happenings was when I watched us go to war with Iraq the first time - Operation Desert Storm. We watched news casts that looked like a game of Missile Command - green lines falling to the earth and then a white blast. We learned that we were fighting the inferior "scud missiles" with the more important, more American (stand at attention) "patriot missiles." In all of my pubescent wisdom and naivete, I wrote melodramatic entries in my diary about this being the "first time our country was really at war in my lifetime" (because the Cold War was so, like, totally not even a war) and "I just hoped that God would spare all of our boys from 'those people' who only knew how to make silly sounding 'scuds' and who surrendered with tears in their eyes (and sand) at the sight Old Glory." And then I would break into a tear jerking rendition of Glory Glory Hallelujah.

What a bonehead! At least I can use the "hey, I was a teenager" argument and get a reprieve for all of my adolescent years. Unfortunately, I couldn't use that excuse when FOX was interrupting the regularly scheduled programs during the second Iraq war - Operation it didn't work the first time, hey guess what, we're back!

A newscaster in Iraq wearing army desert fatigues, night goggles, and a gas mask sitting atop his head would cut-in to yell curtly into his microphone, "There are no bombs dropping at the moment. But if they were ( and he would lower his mask, breathing into it: hoooo-scheee), we would have to wear these masks and dig a trench in the ground, bury ourselves prostrate, and pray to Old Glory. (Hoooo-scheeeee) I repeat. Nothing is happening. We are not on red alert. But someday we might be (hooo-scheee). Luckily I have these night vision goggles, and through them I can clearly see (hoooo-scheee) that nothing is happening. But it might. Soon. So you in America should seek shelter." And a blinking RED crawler that indicated we were NOT on red alert would flash across the bottom of the screen, a tactic that indeed did make me seek shelter in my closet and, more importantly, a prescription for Paxil.

I wish I could say that I've grown out of the sensationalized media. I at least choose to bypass FOX, unless I'm in need of a good laugh.

But today is tornado day, and that means I get to take my laptop into my closet, sip margaritas to, er, calm down, and write. Until an actual siren goes off (the same siren that would indicate we are being bombed and need goggles and gas masks), I suppose I kind of like being here.

9 comments:

Jen said...

I've been thinking of you today as I saw the news about tornadoes in your area! Hope you guys are alright! Our weather is fine here just a bunch of wind!(sigh) But what's new?

Patty said...

I'm glad you are making the best of it. You're such a trooper.

Amy said...

We have the siren go off every day at 12 here and when they need to page the firemen. I use to get scared but now I just think okay what is going to happen next.

Ginger said...

Hi friends! No tornado yet (ferociously knocking on wood.. and stone.... linoleum, just in case). Today is the first day of an entire week of scariness.

On the brightside, the lightning is pretty! :)

Christine said...

The newest Plinky question made me laugh -- What's the most useless item in your house right now?

Easy. Me.

Ginger said...

Fougs, you're funny, but I think your wrong. You're definitely useFUL. In my house it has to be the garlic press. But we've already had this conversation, I think..

Christine said...

I'm kind of useful. I cleaned the sink tonight. Ooohhh... gleaming stainless steel sink... And I'm doing the laundry. And I'm learning about what my cholesterol results mean (I'm normal!). And I'm enjoying how Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann are ripping into Rick Perry. Go me!

Kathy B! said...

We had a tornado in Ohio (when I was young) and all that was left was the toilets and foundations...

May they all fly over you :)

Sending my warm fuzzies...

annie said...

Bravo! You write well in the closet!